Monday, 18 August 2008
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Realization or something like that.
See, I love my boyfriend. I feel sick to my stomach right now, I'm lonely and my boyfriend, who sometimes annoys me is either asleep or suffering with trying to get to sleep like I am. We've had an up and down relationship for awhile now and I think it is my fault. I've been very emotional and pushy lately and I feel terrible. He is wonderful, truly. He is so nice to me and he's smart and witty. Sometimes, I just snap for no reason. Maybe I need to learn to better to control my emotions? He's plans on being a massage therapist and I have too many doubts to choose a career. I love writing and I want to do that for a living but everyone keeps telling me its impossible, everyone except for my boyfriend. I think I need more confidence in myself and if I keep pushing my boyfriend away I will lose the only person who makes me feel like I should love myself. I'm not sure he knows that I feel this way, but I don't know how to go about it anymore. I'm afraid that I'll just push him away and I'd hate myself forever.
We've been dating for a year now and he's totally adorable and great at everything! I get massages whenever I want them and he's there for me. Maybe this summer was just a rough patch for us. I don't know. I don't know how to react to anything anymore. I just want to make him happy. I've been WAY too emotional lately and I told him I was sorry. He said it was okay but I don't think it is. I think I was being a horrible person! I want to be a lover and a friend to him! Is it hard to do that? I don't know but if it is I'm willing to go for it any way.
I need to talk to him. I need to control these emotions. Every time around this time of year I keep strange, emotional.. I'm not sure why. Should I see someone about it? I'll just talk to my boyfriend about it. I'm sure he'll help me.
The sad thing is, I'm questioning myself when I know I should have more confidence and stop it. I'm passionate but easily confused. Does that make sense? Well, I'll talk to my boyfriend.
Also, I question myself about my writing. I need motivation to keep me on track and I need to finish a story. I don't know what to do. It's so irritating. Maybe once I start taking Creative Writing course I'll feel better about my writing. Meh, that's just a side note to my crazy thoughts for the moment.
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Comments (1)
nanowrimo.org
Just write. Stop trying to control it and let the words come out on their own. Maybe it wont be Robert Jordon, but it will be Kalitary, and that's just as good. ;)